


neither in flesh nor spirit

by meowrails



Category: Winner (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - In The Flesh, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Zombies, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-26
Updated: 2015-04-26
Packaged: 2018-03-25 19:47:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3822622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowrails/pseuds/meowrails
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the Flesh AU. After a zombie uprising, treated zombies, or Partially Deceased Syndrome (PDS) sufferers are rehabilitated back into society. Taehyun is released from the rehabilitation center and agrees to live with Seungyoon, another patient.</p>
            </blockquote>





	neither in flesh nor spirit

**Author's Note:**

> "I don't believe in death, neither in flesh nor in spirit."   
> Bob Marley
> 
>  
> 
> Warnings: (Spoilery) Non-graphic self harm and child abuse. Past Character Death. Romantization of death and wounds.

Out of all the ways he could've died, Taehyun chose the most generic one of all. When he was younger, he used to imagine that he would leave the earth with a bang, like a beautiful, old star exploding and turning into a supernova, sucking down everyone with him. That way, his death would've meant something. His existence would've been greater than a headline in his local newspaper and a cheap tombstone in the middle of Seoul.  
  
Now his tombstone, like hundreds of others, were empty. Was was the point of killing yourself if you couldn't stay dead?  
  
Taehyun pressed his forehead against the glass, tracing lines with his forefinger on every tree he saw, pretending the movement would cut them down. He hasn’t touched trees or grass in about three months, or any living creature, seeing as they weren’t allowed to touch the staff, and he didn’t count himself or any of the patients as actually alive.  
  
He was looking out the window in the corner of the room, avoiding group therapy as much as possible, drowning out the sound of the rest of the patients with the radio he was given for good behaviour. As per usual. None of them had any personal belongings apart from the clothes they were wearing the day they were found, which was in a pile of toxic waste by now. All he had were grey hospital sweats. (Taehyun liked to refer as it as the mental institution for the undead) the only patient who actually had his own clothes was Seungyoon, he was also the only patient who actually tried to interact with him.  
  
Seungyoon was, as Taehyun had noticed, the kind of person who, once he found someone whom he liked, he wouldn't leave their side. Taehyun supposed it was a human instinct with a basis of fear, or maybe an unconscious, emotional response to the absence of warmth and family, and while most of their kind would rather be alone until leaving day, it wasn't uncommon amongst a few PDS sufferers. Taehyun had been a living flesh eater just four months ago, Seungyoon had been registered one month ago, he was still getting used to the serotonin and the dopamine coming back to his brain. Taehyun had learned this the hard way, in the second week after he was reborn.  
  
Taehyun was almost entering his third month in the facility, and just like all the other well cooperated patients, he was being thrown out with little help from the government in order to start a new life, in all the sense of the worse. He was showered with praises for good behaviour, took his injections every day without a fight, only a scowl, and the fact that he barely talked to the staff made it a lot easier for the nervous nurses who believed he could eat their hands at any moment. He obeyed the rules and his routine because there was nothing better for him to do, at least not until he left this useless facility and finished what had brought him here in the first place.  
  
He felt something bump against his shoulder, or rather, someone, pulling him away from his usual train of thought. It was Seungyoon, who would always follow him, a bit like a puppy. He thought it was cute, if not a bit annoying. Seungyoon had his usual optimistic smile, Taehyun wondered if it was his resting attitude, or if it was faked. Either way, it lightened Taehyun's mood a little, even though he wasn't going to admit it.  
  
He accepted the gum that Seungyoon offered him, he always had a pack for some reason, and placed it in his mouth. They were required to exercise their jaws, seeing as they didn't have to eat. Food was disgusting to him now.  
  
"Tomorrow's the big day, you excited?" Seungyoon asked. Taehyun only shrugged and looked away, but Seungyoon didn't seem to mind. Most patients at the hospital tried to stay alone until their leaving day, Seungyoon was since part of the minority who tried to interact and friends, Taehyun couldn't just ignore him. He was heartless, but he wasn't a rude person.  
  
Taehyun could practically see the awkwardness surrounding the silence until Seungyoon spoke up. "I looked through the news, I think I'm gonna buy a small apartment in the nearby district with the starting money they give us. I think I have some in the bank too, if they already returned all the money they took from us when we died."  
  
Taehyun cleared his throat. "Aren't you... supposed to move in with your family?"  
  
Seungyoon's smile faltered for a moment only to return just as quickly as it left. "Yeah, I don't really have one that I can go to.”  
  
Taehyun was surprised, but he didn’t let it show. "I don’t either.."  
  
"But we need to live with more than one person, its the law. I mean, how else will I get the injection in? I'll probably have to find a roommate but... You know." Seungyoon scoffed, no self respecting living person would date one of their kind.  
  
Taehyun sighed, he can’t say he’s surprised at himself for saying this, but he doesn’t want to end up homeless and dead. "I have some money in the bank. We could split the rent, I guess."  
  
“Are you serious?” Seungyoon gaped. Taehyun rolled his eyes and nodded.  
  
Seungyoon smiled even wider, patting Taehyun's thigh. "A new start together then. That's good, I think being with someone you know would make everything a lot easier. I-I'll ask the staff for some forms." Taehyun nodded in response, surprised at himself that he agreed in the first place.

  
\----

  
_Deer Neigbor,  
  
Hello my name is nam taehyun. I am 7 years old and i was born in 1994. I moved in the apartment where you are in and i want a friend. there are not a lot of kids in the buildin but i hav seen you in my bulding and in my scool. I dont like talking to peepol a lot but my mom told me that writing leters would be a good idea. i dont now your adress so i am leaving this in yuor loker. My locker is 23 in room 124 becuz i am 2 years below you. i hope you write back and we can hang out and i can show you my rock collektion and play video games._

  
_Bye :)  
nam Taehyun_

 

\----

  
They left the building as soon as possible, the last thing they wanted to see were the dozens of happily reunited families. They weren't the only ones who had no one to greet, and the mix of despair and relief around them wasn't exactly comfortable. It made Taehyun's head hurt, while Seungyoon hid his eyes and stared at the ground. Or rather, he covered his only working eye with half of his hoodie as they waited in the side of the road for their bus to arrive.  
  
Seungyoon presses his fingers against his eyepatch and frowns. Its a medical one, given to him on his first day. It's not the fact that he has a wound to cover that sparks Taehyun's curiosity, most patients have wounds they want to cover, but the most common way to cover them would be with make up. A simple eye injury can be covered with contacts and foundation, he's seen a man cover up a gunshot on the side of his head with a wig and a teenager return back to her tan complexion with foundation. However, while Seungyoon has never show any interest in hiding who he is, he's very careful with his eyes and body. While Taehyun only uses contacts (his grey, discolored eyes look strange on him) Seungyoon wears turtlenecks and jackets, long pants and boots, and its only the middle of august. He doesn't cover his purple lips or his discolored hands, though, but Taehyun wonders if even the hospital staff have seen him without his clothes.  
  
It has to do with the reason he died, Taehyun is certain of it, but he doesn't say a word. Its rude to ask, Taehyun knew he would be offended if he was.  
  
The bus arrived a few minutes later, absolutely filled with patients, through they're the only ones who get off on the first stop. Taehyun felt Seungyoon tense next to him.  
  
"It's small but it looks pretty cozy," Seungyoon said. Taehyun was lost for words, it was the first time he's seen so many living people in months. People with color on their lips and skin that isn't cracked and pale. They walk down the street to their new apartment, which turns out to be the third floor in a three story building, but Taehyun doesn't complain at the simplicity, its much better than the grandeur of his previous home, his old life was complicated enough. Its only when he stops staring ground that he noticed people were staring at him.  
  
They aren't innocent glances or welcoming smiles, but cold hearted glares and nervous stares that screamed we don't want you here. Taehyun wondered if he should've worn makeup after all. Seungyoon, however, looked unaffected by it, but he tightened his grip on his things. Everyone was staring at them. From the looks of it, they were the only ones in town who have Partially Deceased Syndrome.  
  
Seungyoon said nothing, even waved at some of them out of spite. He’d heard about this, about the irrational hate that the living have for them. Taehyun didn’t want to believe it was true. As they walked up the stairs to their apartment, he felt the walls close in on him. Even after death, he would have to deal with panic.  
  
“I think we should get a job soon, maybe this week.” Seungyoon said casually, dropping his bags on the door. Taehyun sat down on the sofa, coughing at the dust that’s probably been sitting there for ages. The apartment had a sofa, a bed, a table and a closet, which was all they’ll need. They didn’t need to eat nor did they have to go to the bathroom, anyway.  
  
“Why were they looking at us like that?” Taehyun asked, his voice shaking.  
  
“They think we’re going to try to eat them in the middle of the night. There’s still a few of us who haven’t been treated roaming around. They just don’t know the difference between a one of us and a rotter.” Seungyoon said with a sigh, locking the door.  
  
“A rotter?”  
  
“Its like, the swear word they have for us. Its supposed to offend us.”  
  
Taehyun shook his head. “No! They should know that what we did... We weren’t conscious. I didn’t kill all those people, it wasn’t me.” He covers his face with his hands, probably revealing a bit more than he wanted.  
  
(A long time ago, Taehyun was a open and honest young man. He hoped he never makes the mistake of being like that again.)  
  
"I know," Seungyoon said. He paced nervously, not knowing what he should do, and eventually decides on sitting down next to the younger man on the sofa. He places his hand on Taehyun's back, then on his shoulder. "But they don't. But they're not all like that, I'm sure of it."  
  
Taehyun scoffs. "They've always been like that." He says, and something tells Seungyoon that Taehyun has always had trouble with the living, even when he was alive."  
  
"This is our second chance to have a better, new life. We've all been given a second chance, Taehyun. I was a coward when I was alive, and I won't be now." Seungyoon says softly, running his fingertips up and down Taehyun's back until he's sure that the young man's hands aren't shaking anymore.  
  
"Tomorrow is a new day. We need jobs, we need to prove that we aren't monsters anymore, alright?" Taehyun only nods at this, still looking down.  
  
Seungyoon pats Taehyun's shoulder and stands up. "Its almost time for your injection," he says, and this time he doesn't scowl or complain once the cold liquid enters the back of his neck.

  
\-----

  
_Dear Taehyun,  
  
I know that in your last letter you were wondering why I keep sending you letters when we already have phones. To be honest, we've been sending each other letters for years now, why stop? This is way better than having a Pen Pal, I don't have to take a plane or train to see you! And there's no better feeling than getting to class and opening my locker just to find a letter from you. At least this way we can talk in school. Too bad you're two years below me, that sucks. Imagine how much fun we'd have if I could see you every day! It be so much easier to draw you. Your hair is really hard to remember from memory.  
  
Are you still up for ramen after school tomorrow? Let me know!_

_Your favorite song  
 Mino_

 

\----

  
Just like Seungyoon said, they walk into town close together to find jobs. Its early in the afternoon, the sky is clear and the wind is warm, but while Taehyun comfortably wears a T-Shirt and his hospital given jeans, Seungyoon continues to cover himself completely. He almost walked in on Seungyoon adjusting his eyepatch that morning. Taehyun wonders if he should try to sneak a peek again, or if should let Seungyoon tell him upfront, and decided on the latter. He's lucky enough that Seungyoon trusts him enough to let him stay with him.  
  
Now that he thinks about it, Taehyun knows almost nothing about the man. Most people know his cause of death, the deep cuts on both of his wrists make it seem pretty obvious. He wasn't the only one in the facility who had died of suicide, but he was the small number of PDS patients who didn't want to die again. To be honest, Taehyun did want to die when he came back. He really did.  
  
He wants to give life a chance now and he hopes life does the same to him.  
  
The only place that was looking for help was a pub. To be more specific, the only place who would accept help from PDS sufferers was the local pub. There was a brothel somewhere as well, but neither of them were interested in making money by fulfilling some person's necrophiliac fantasies.  
  
The Empty Pub was one of handful of businesses in the town. Taehyun remembered going here a few times, since this isn't too far from where he used to live. Its still looks exactly the same. He remembers he used to sit right by the corner, while he used to sit-  
  
"Hi! What can I get you?" A high pitched, soft voice said from behind the counter. He looked young and thankfully didn't look disgusted or afraid of them.  
  
"We heard about job openings. We both just moved in and need some money." Seungyoon said.  
  
The man behind the counter nodded. "At least you guys don't have to buy any food or anything," He laughed, "Yeah, we need someone to help clean around. I'm Jinwoo, by the way."  
  
"But can we actually have a job? I mean, most places didn't want us inside the shop, much less working there." Taehyun added.  
  
"As you said, most places. Don't worry, my dad has PDS too. He doesn't go out to town much, but as long as he gets his injections he won't hurt a fly. He's the same as he was before. As long as he can go fishing on the lake, he's ok." Jinwoo rambled as he cleaned a beer glass.  
  
Seungyoon did all the talking while Taehyun made himself busy by drinking a beer. He didn't need it, and it would feel strange going to the bathroom later on, but it was better than having to see all of the people in the pub giving him strange looks and glances. Most of them were just curious to see whether or not he was really a rotter, but some of the looks they gave him made him nervous. Thankfully, the bar only needed one job and Seungyoon decided he would work for now, at least until Taehyun could find a job somewhere else.  
  
Jinwoo gave them his phone with a smile. "If you get into any trouble too, you can always trust me."  
  
They walked out and Seungyoon started walking, but it wasn't to their apartment.  
  
"Where are you going?" Taehyun frowned, he was clearly tired.  
  
Seungyoon waited for Taehyun to catch up and let out a smile. "Y'know the cemetery right down that road?"  
  
Taehyun nodded, he used to hang out there and smoke sometimes back when he was alive. Back when he would run away from home.  
  
"I was buried there."

\----

  
_Dearest Taehyun,  
  
As you already know, I'm leaving for my enlistment soon. I know its a bit early, but I figured that if I get it over with as early as possible, I can focus on art when I get back. And we'll be together again! It'll only be a few months, a year and a half at most. And you'll have to do the same sooner or later, at least when I come back I can get you ready for your leave.  
  
To be honest, I'm scared, Taehyun. I'm going to miss you so much. I'll be holding a gun instead of a pencil, but I promise I'll never stop drawing you. I will keep this promise, you know I’m good at them.  
  
I don't say it that much when we are together, but I love you. I can't wait to tell you in person when I come back. I really don’t know what else to say, but we’ll keep in touch. Never stop waiting for me._

  
_By your side, always.  
Your song  
Mino xx_

\----

  
Seungyoon's grave was simple, you really wouldn't notice it unless you were looking for it. It had a cobalt headstone with his name, date of birth and the words "Wild and Young" on the bottom. Taehyun knelt and ran his fingers over the inscription. His own grave doesn't have a interesting quote.  
  
"It's from a song I wrote, my mother liked it a lot." Seungyoon admitted, kneeling down next to him and eventually laying on the grass. A lot of of the graves don't have flowers, seeing as their occupants aren't in them anymore.  
  
Taehyun realized that this was the first time Seungyoon talked about his past. "You wrote music? Me too. I wanted to be a singer."  
  
The older man laughed. "I was a singer, played gigs sometimes. My dad wanted me to be a doctor, though." Seungyoon said, his voice no longer sounding like a smile. His hand moved unconsciously to his eyepatch.  
  
Taehyun moved until he was perched on Seungyoon's headstone. He swung his legs back and forth, and at the sight of Taehyun doing something so so innocent, his face turned softer. The sun was starting to set and Taehyun's reddish hair looked beautiful in against the darker skies.  
  
"Isn't it considered rude to sit on someone else's grave?" Seungyoon joked. Taehyun stuck out his tongue and the two fell into a comfortable silence. He noticed this was the first time he felt grass and wind since dying.  
  
They sat in silence as the sky turned from blue to a soft orange. "We died on the same year." Taehyun whispered softly, changing the subject.  
  
"Yeah, we all did. The only bodied that rose were the ones that were still mostly intact. No one who died before 2013 will rise, unless you're like, a mummy or something." Seungyoon added, laughing at his own joke.  
  
That made Taehyun sigh in relief about a worry he didn't know he had. Mino had died a year before that, he didn't have to worry about finding him in the supermarket. Or climbing up the railing to his window to see him at night, like he used to do.  
  
(Taehyun swore on his life he didn't want it to happen again, but he lied to himself all the time, he hoped this wasn't another one.)  
  
Taehyun took a deep breath and lowered himself until his back was against the grave. Mino wasn't even buried here, Taehyun thought. He'd gone to his funeral, he'd was in the car crash.  
  
"Are you ok?" Seungyoon asked softly, barely above a whisper. "Taehyun?"  
  
Seungyoon took Taehyun's hand in his own, running his thumb over Taehyun's palm. It wasn't really like he'd imagined it nor how romance novels painted it, seeing as Seungyoon's hands were sweaty, and he didn't really know how to hold hands correctly. Taehyun smiled anyway, at least his hands aren't shaking anymore.  
  
Taehyun rubbed his eyes until they felt dry again. "Yeah, I'm just thinking about something."  
  
Both of their hands were cold, neither of them seemed to mind. They should probably talk about this, roommates don't just hold hands while watching the sunset, but he knew it was going to happen. Taehyun is a clingy person he hates being alone. At his current state, he doubts it will be easy to find someone that he can trust — that he can hold hands with. Everyone deserves love, even after death.  
  
"We should start walking home." Seungyoon mumbled with a tired voice. He was almost dozing off in Taehyun's shoulder.  
  
Taehyun perked up. "What did you say?"  
  
"That we should go home."  
  
Home. If he still had blood running through his body, he'd blush. This is the first time in his lifes that he'd felt like he had a home. His mother was always working, and his father ran away when he was younger. However, when he was with Seungyoon, wherever he went with him could be a home.  
  
Taehyun swallowed his smile down. He wasn't going to let himself fall in love again. Thought, it was already too late.  
  
"Ok, let's go home."

\----

  
The weeks went on like this. Seungyoon took the cleaning job at the pub, while Taehyun helped with bartending. Thanks to Jinwoo, they were introduced to other living people who didn't treat them like monsters.  
  
"My mom used to be part of the force back in the US. If I wasn't trying to eat people at the time, I probably would've joined it too." Mumbled Bobby, one of the newest PDS sufferers in town, as he pretended to take a swig of his beer. He'd heard of the force before, they were still around. They were in charge of finding the untreated rotters that still roamed the forest and taking them into a facility. Usually, however, they were killed. "But y'know... After she saw me, she left the force over there and now she gives me money every month. I guess she's just guilty."  
  
As more PDS patients came into town, less dirty look they were given. Seungyoon was given extra tips out of guilt, which was great. Obviously, the local priest wasn't going to be on their side any time soon, but it wasn't like any of them cared.  
  
After work, they would go to the cemetery. Sometimes they would lace their hands together and stay there for hours. Other times, Taehyun would rest his head on Seungyoon's lap while the other man tuned his guitar, given to him as a gift from Jinwoo's father, harmonizing until the sky turned dark.  
  
(In another life, we've could've been stars, Taehyun thinks, but this isn't so bad.)  
  
He'd never expected a tombstone to become a romantic place for them, thought wasn't as if their relationship was anything like the Nicholas Sparks novel he was reading. Taehyun turned a page while Seungyoon tuned his guitar. "Why did Jinwhan have to leave the bar today?" The younger man asked casually. Since Seungyoon worked behind the counter, the younger population of PDS sufferers would hang out at the pub. Jinwhan had just joined that very day, and it wasn't easy for him.  
  
Seungyoon cleared his throat, still focusing on the tuning. "He was getting flashbacks. Apparently they were playing a song he heard when he — uh... While he was ripping someone's arms out. At least that's what he said."  
  
"Eh, it happens to a lot of us." Taehyun shrugged.  
  
Seungyoon stops playing. He makes theface that Taehyun has seen so many times before, and he rolls his eyes. Its his 'important speech' face. "D-Do you remember what you did? Like-"  
  
"No." He admitted, simply. "I don't remember anything. Do you?"  
  
Seungyoon let out a sigh of relief. "Nope. At least, I hope I don't."  
  
"Good, that's one less awkward conversation." Taehyun murmured and moved to Seungyoon's lap, needy for attention. He kissed the curve of Seungyoon's jaw and sighed, resting his head on the man's shoulder.  
  
They never got past anymore further than kisses. Both of them didn't know whether or not they should take it further — they didn't even know if they were ready.  
  
They had both been on the sofa, lips pressed against each other with no intent of stopping any time soon. Seungyoon's lips were heaven as well as his voice, which became deeper and rougher with lust. Taehyun had moved his lips to Seungyoon's jaw. The other man tensed up, but continued to hold Taehyun in his lap. But he tried to kiss lower, almost reaching Seungyoon's neck, when the older man asked him to stop, desperately.  
  
"I'm sorry I just- I don't think we should..." Seungyoon said, trailing off and adjusting Taehyun off his lap.  
  
Taehyun sighed. "Its alright. I can wait." And for once, he meant it.

\-----

_Mino,  
  
Please, tell me the letter wasn't true. The man who came to our house was just an illusion, right? You can't be dead. You promised you were going to come back. Please, don't do this to me. Come back, come back to me._

_Taehyun._

  
\----  
  
  
As part of his morning routine, the first thing Taehyun would do after brushing his teeth was to chew gum, put on his contacts, bandage the cuts on his wrists and make coffee. Well, he didn't actually make the coffee, he just turned on the machine and poured hot water in a cup just to throw it away. It helped him wake up and feel as if he was actually going to eat breakfast.  
  
Usually Seungyoon was already up by the time he woke up. This time, however, he probably slept in late.  
  
There was only one room, and every day they would decide who slept on the sofa and who slept in the bed. This time, Seungyoon won the bed. "Hyung," Taehyun whispered, thinking that Seungyoon was still sleeping. He had been wrong.  
  
Seungyoon was getting dressed, looking away from the door and adjusting his belt. Taehyun tried to look away, but his eyes ran to the expanse of Seungyoon's pale back.  
  
It wasn't only pale, but red and black and blue.  
  
They were everywhere, small ones on his back and bigger ones on his sides that look like they could break a rib. Taehyun covered his mouth. Bruises did not heal after you came back, neither do cuts or wounds. Its a cruel reminder of how you died, and why.  
  
The instant Seungyoon noticed him, Taehyun felt his heart drop to his stomach. The door was slammed on his face. He betrayed Seungyoon's trust, he ruined everything.  
  
Taehyun needed to run, he didn't want Seungyoon to see him like this. He bolted out the door, not even hearing Seungyoon yell his name as he slammed the door behind him. Taehyun needed to get away from the walls that were closing in on him and from this town, so different and quiet compared to the city it was driving him insane. If it wasn’t for Taehyun...  
  
He'd never prayed a day in his life, but if he knelt in front of Seungyoon's headstone and closed his eyes. He didn't know who he was praying to, but he begged for someone to listen to him. Surprisingly, you could still cry while being semi-alive. Taehyun sobbed in front of the headstone of the man he fell in love with, exactly like he did two years ago.  
  
Mino always did say he was dramatic.  
  
Taehyun had no idea how long he stayed there, but his knees hurt like hell and the sky was beginning to turn from blue to orange.  
  
"Hey, you forgot your injection." Seungyoon said, sounding as casual as ever. Taehyun did not move. He felt the breeze caress his cheek ー he hoped it dried off the tears.  
  
"May I?" He asked. Taehyun nodded, shivering at the feeling of the injection. He wrapped his arms around himself. Seungyoon sat down next to him, pressing one hand on Taehyun's cheek and another to brush the hair off his face.  
  
Taehyun closed his eyes and rested his head on Seungyoon's shoulder. “I should’ve knocked.” He mumbled, like a teenager who’s admitting who did something right. If his lips weren’t so close to Seungyoon’s ear he doubts he could’ve heard it. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Is this what this is all about?” Seungyoon said, trying not to smile. “Taehyun, its all right. I know you didn’t mean to.” Taehyun sniffled, wiping a tear on his cheek on the fabric of Seungyoon’s clothes. “I was meaning to tell you, its just... difficult.”  
  
“You don’t have to tell me...”  
  
“But I want to. This is the first time I could actually say it, Taehyun. Do you know how difficult it is? I couldn’t even tell the hospital secretary. My cause of death is ‘unknown’. I couldn’t even tell anyone when I was alive.” Seungyoon’s voice cracked. Taehyun’s heart ached.  
  
If Seungyoon’s pale hands still had blood, his knuckles would be red from the strength of his fists. If Seungyoon’s lips still had blood, they would be red from how much he bites them all the time. This time, his lips are clenched and his hands are shaking, but as Taehyun sees that their reaching for his face rather than for his hands, he doesn’t say anything about it. Slowly, almost not to hurt himself, Seungyoon takes off his eyepatch. His bangs almost cover his eyes, but its not hard to see what he was hiding all this time.  
  
All PDS sufferers have no pigment in their irises, this was why Taehyun liked to wear contact, but Seungyoon clearly died with his eye like this. His eyelid was painted with the color blue and purple, his eye was bloodshot and it looked swollen. Despite all of this, they were still smiling. Taehyun, always the romantic, kissed the area cream and purple of Seungyoon’s cheek. In truth, he didn’t know what to say.  
  
“The big bruise on my ribs is because I failed chemistry.” Seungyoon blurted out, breaking the silence. “The one on my arms is because I forgot to clean the kitchen. T-The one on my eye is because I said I wanted to become a singer instead of a doctor and because I... fell in love with someone I couldn't have. His name was Seunghoon. My father wasn't-” It was clearly difficult for Seungyoon to admit this; Taehyun squeezed the older man's hand. “He drank...”  
  
“You don’t have to keep going, I think I understand.” Taehyun whispered, "Please."  
  
Seungyoon fell silent as he covered his eye with his eyepatch once more. Maybe one day Taehyun could help him cover it with make up. Maybe one day Seungyoon won't be scared of showing his scars, but they both need time. For now, they watched on the night sky above them.  
  
When Seungyoon pointed at the stars, Taehyun could only focus on on Seungyoon's hand.

  
\----

  
Taehyun doesn't think he'd die soon. This is his second chance, this time, he has someone to live for, a promise to keep, and a place that he can call home. For the first moment in a long time, he wishes he can live this lifetime not as a star, but as Seungyoon's universe.  
  
"That's a bit self centered, don't you think?" Seungyoon joked after hearing Taehyun's confession, but there was no bite in his bark.  
  
Taehyun rolled his eyes. "I'm pouring my heart out for you! This took a while to come up with."  
  
"Ok. Ok, calm down. You're so dramatic. Did you know you're a bit of a diva?"  
  
PDS sufferers don't form new bruises after dying. This is why, that night, Seungyoon bit, sucked and kiss on the entire expanse of pale skin and purple lips that Taehyun could give him. In return, Taehyun kissed all of Seungyoon's bruises.  
  
"I'm well aware." Taehyun said confidently. Seungyoon ran his fingertips over Taehyun's bare back, deciding that sleeping with someone else was infinitely much better than sleeping alone. Taehyun had grown to forget Seungyoon's bruises, seeing as the younger man had just finished pressing his lips to most of the ones in his ribs and on his chest. Maybe hiding them from him wasn't even necessary in the first place.  
  
"You're so beautiful." Seungyoon whispered. Taehyun closed his eyes and smiled. Mino used to tell him that at night when they would stare at each other for hours. Seungyoon, however, said it differently, and he loved it all the same. In his heart, Taehyun knew there is was part of him that missed him, but he'll get over it.  
  
They would make it work, they always do.

\----

  
_Dearest Minho,  
  
I’m not sure where I can send this, I’m not sure if I ever will, but writing this town is supposed to give me closure, as Seungyoon said. You’d get along with him if you were here. I can see you two being close friends.  
  
This is the last chance that I’ll ever get to let you go. If you’re looking down at me right now (or up, sometimes when I was angry at you I would damn you to hell, hope that didn’t actually happen) please make sure to read this.  
  
I don’t want to forget you, but I need to let you go. I’m happy now with Seungyoon, I’m happy in this town. Can you believe it? Me, living in a small town after living in such a huge city? To be honest, this is my second life, I’m not the man I used to be. You fell in love with the old me, and Seungyoon fell in love with the person writing this letter. I promised you I will never stop waiting for you, but it looks now like you’ll have to wait for me instead. I don’t plan on going to heaven (or to hell) in a very long time.  
  
Watch over me. Don’t ever stop drawing me._

  
_Lots of love. Until we meet again_

_Nam Taehyun_

**Author's Note:**

> “I am no longer in love with him, that's certain, but maybe I love him. Love is so short, forgetting is so long.”  
> ― Pablo Neruda


End file.
